no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
