I'm really into asian looking animals
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
