I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She told me I should be a condom model.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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