worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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