I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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