I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
