I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
