Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
