when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
