I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
