I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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