why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
