Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
