So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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