Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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