Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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