i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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