my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
