no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
