my mouth tastes like poor choices
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
