Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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