If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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