I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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