so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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