U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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