I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
