I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
