rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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