Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
