so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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