Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the day after is always just damage control
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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