i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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