Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
