but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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