just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
