I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Damn victory sex feels great
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