Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
