Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
