How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
