dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have post one night stand depression
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