I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
