he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
