I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
