my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
