Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize