I CAN MOONWALK!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
