I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
