im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
