Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
