seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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