Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
