Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
