Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
