I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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