ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
