While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
