If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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