In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
