I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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