Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
