yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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