My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it hurts more in the daytime
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
