Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
