I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
