I'm going to jail i love you
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
