People with herpes should wear stickers.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
