Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
