i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
