tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
