sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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