Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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