that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
