he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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