Dual....:-)
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize