She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Is it because I queefed?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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