i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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