tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize