ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
